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Dear Princess,

The year you turned ten, the whole dynamic of life as you knew it changed. Your parents divorced, and Granddaddy died, much too early. He was the patriarch of our family, a hard-working man and a good businessman. He was kind, he was generous, and he was so much fun. He would sit all the grandkids around him and tell wild stories he made up on the spot, and every one of us had our own song that rhymed with our name. What a privilege it was to have known him. He was the glue that held us all together, and when he was gone, that’s when the dynamic really changed.

The twelve months leading up to your next birthday shaped how you dealt with life, and how you coped in your mind.

You stayed busy helping others. You shrugged off the big things and put the focus on everything around you so it would all be okay. You stayed busy because everything was so different now, but was it? Dad was never really around, and when he was, you still had to be somewhat the responsible one. Mom was working working even more hours now and was away from home more, so you took care of your little brother and helped around the house. It wasn’t a bad thing. Mom was doing what she had to do. But it came with something you felt you had to carry, when in reality, you didn’t.

It also gave you an unhealthy view of a dad, and later men in general, which we will discuss at a later time. You didn’t learn a healthy dynamic, and you didn’t learn until much later in life that you didn’t have to carry ALL that you did. I wish I had known that then.

But somewhere in there, a voice started talking to you. It said you had to be the good girl. Little Miss Do Right. It said you had to be strong, you couldn’t be weak, and you had to keep moving, keep going, that was the talk you had with yourself, and it’s what began building a wall over your heart. You didn’t realize it at the time.

You never dealt with it , little one. Or so you thought.

Because at night, lying in bed in the dark, staring at the ceiling, you talked to Yahweh. You didn’t understand Him yet, or know who he truly was. I didn’t see His character until later in life: how He protected you from bad choices and from situations that were out of your control.

I think about when you were six or seven, waking up on Passover (Easter Sunday) morning and jumping out of bed. You ran out the side door, skipped your basket of treats and toys, and danced in the driveway, singing to the Lord. You didn’t know who you were singing to. You were simply drawn, and you didn’t understand the drawing.

Now I do.

Princess, you didn’t have to hold everything together. You didn’t have to keep everyone else okay. That was never your job, even though you carried it so well.

Those nights in the dark, talking to Yahweh you didn’t even know yet? He heard every word. He was the one drawing you, the same One you were dancing for in the driveway. He was protecting you the whole time, even when it felt like everything was falling apart and He has always been there when it has all fallen apart.

You were never as alone as it felt.

Love always,

B

Scriptures to Reflect On

the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. Jeremiah 31:3 ESV

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 ESV

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28